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–           You’re going to let Astro Cop take over and take your medicine and that’s that.

–           Rosie, not in public for God’s sake.  You’re humiliating me and enjoying it.

–           You didn’t show any respect towards – you humiliated – Mr Robbie Coltrane last week with your misplaced comments.  Now you do your reading today as we agreed and you’ll be off for the next four weeks, is that clear?

–           Hi folks!  Well, you’ve heard it, I won’t comment any further on this and move on to today’s reading.  This is for Quentin Dupieux, born 14 April 1974, a flamboyant French Aries who might be strongly influenced by made-in-USA-planets in Pisces.

Dear Quentin,

You have just one of the most amazing set of cards I have drawn to date for any movie director yet (you’re the first I do this for, true).

It feels extremely strongly that you’re on to something big; no, correction: HUGE.  Your next movie or series of movies or if it isn’t the next, then the next after the next – say within the next couple of years – is going to bring you the recognition you deserve on the whole big fucking tyre.

–                      Feralbulb?

–                      Planet.  I meant planet.  Now F off or I’ll get my pet door to eat you alive.

–                      Stop making yourself interesting, brother and concentrate on Mr. Cupion.

–                      Not Cupidon.  Not Curieux.  Dupieux, Sis, Dupieux.  Now Mr. Quentieux, your inspiration is divine.  You’re giving birth to new ideas the way Coca Cola is still making cans and they’re just as lucrative.  Not just that but, if I’m not mistaken, your partner should soon produce something of her own (and yours) making, which should make you even more creative.  By any means, once you’ve tied the knot if you haven’t already and you feel settled into your blessed life (because blessed it is and it will be), you will come up with new ideas as well as old ones presented in a new way, your way, which is more than my words can ever describe.  I saw ‘Wrong’ recently as the first movie I saw from you and boy o boy am I now addicted.  By the way, the dogs’ spirits of the whole wide universe salute you.

Also, your partner’s input and incredibly intelligent being will have a strong impact on your creativity and its influence not to be rejected nor neglected.  On top of that, she’s got a heart of gold, is incredibly charming and you can’t or won’t be able to go anywhere without her around (you’ll see).

It is indicated you are going to travel for a long time yet.  It feels, interestingly, that past nightmares and bad bouts of depressed states of moods have inspired you and your transforming them into scripts and films is nothing short of a creative and therapeutic miracle.  It’s given you a new perspective on life and you are considering your options as many choices present themselves to you.

Interestingly, it feels as if you fear wishing for a steady and happy family home life because you think that settling down will stifle your creativity as you need constant changes in your life and you need to explore new horizons at all times (figuratively and non-figuratively).  Well, as we’ve seen before, your partner – that angel of yours – might be willing to compromise more than you think to live your dream in that she might dream it with you if you’ll let her.

The fact is that you fear losing your inspiration at any moment.  But why would you?  I hope you remember what cards I drew for you earlier… you are blessed… everything is possible for you and your creativity will not disappear until your time comes to depart this world.  You fear the coldness of the giant man within you, you fear his power, his aloofness, you fear your father or a father figure or what he was or might have been.  It is strange.  What happened?  You shouldn’t be thinking about it except to remind you that you and him will never be the same and therefore…  Ok, mate?

You hope to have buried your old self deep, deep within you because it allows to reach out to your old self and feel inspired.  You hold the ultimate powerful sword, like the future King in Merlin.  Any sword you are presented with you can turn to gold and power.  Not only that, the colourful life you lead can also provide incredible resources for your inspiration.  You’re a musician at heart, coupled with the mind of a visionary.  It doesn’t matter which way you look at things, you’re always going to be able to conceptualise and generate creative ideas.  You look to me like Moses – not that I’m going completely religious or bonkers – just that like the idea of Moses, your inspiration and moves are divine in your creative fields.

–           Feralbulb, I know you haven’t yet taken your medication but could you dampen your enthusiasm a little?  You know what you sounds like?

–           —Hey, you, psychic cop!  Yes, you!  Mind your own business and watch out for Quentin’s next movie.  You’ll have your turn so shut the fuck up!

Now, Quenpion, it feels as if you come from a very modest background, if I may put it this way.  I mean, a background where money was scarce or if there was any, dwindled quickly without anyone in your family knowing how all this could happen at all.  Yet you’ve always had it in you that you’d come up with ideas of a different world, one juggling your sense of imagination, fun and sensitivity.  It remained hidden for a while and it seems sometimes you got disheartened  as if you didn’t think you’d make it at all because your ideas were supposedly too much off the wall, because you felt a bit like an oddball.  Yet you were always supported and surrounded by many friends who believed in you more than you did yourself.  And now… look at yourself now?  Just keep on that path.  There’ll be nothing stopping you.

I believe you need to let your heart come into play a lot more – don’t let cold thoughts win over you – don’t let a sense of control take over either… let loose…  Yes, being surreal gives an edge to all that you create, but like in ‘Wrong’ having a main character with a heart who wins his dog back is just the right recipe.  If Paul had died or disappeared forever, the surreal world would have had no purpose.  Of course I’m not here to give you advice on how to make movies, just on what feelings you should welcome inside you when you create.  In summary, coldness (pure cold thoughts) and control (controlling everyone and everything on set) are out.  Just saying.  Take it or leave it, Mr. Quentonbon.  Who da fuck am I?  I know.  I’ll take me medicine soon.

Well now, your keen sense of observation and your ability to put two and two together make you an innovator and a leader.  Don’t let anyone accuse you of stealing ideas, because you’re being able to re-visit ideas from your perspective is going to make others jealous.  Civilisation is getting old, revisiting old ideas in a new and original way is always going to be done.  Take advantage of it.  You will find an untapped source of creativity with common people – I mean from people you engage with in streets/places where you are not known.  You will be generous to them and them back to you and this will provide you with simple but tremendous pleasure and contentment.  I said it before: you are blessed.

Currently, it feels as if you need to expose yourself to the general public a lot more.  Be wise, be confident, listen to what everyone’s saying.  Don’t burry yourself in your den – whatever that is – and be secretive.  Now is not the time.  Of course, you have a right to handle your private life in a very secretive manner for a short while, for intimacy, for love, but whatever you do that you need to hide, ensure it’s not perceived as an insult in any way by your friends, colleagues and public.  Such is the price of being in the limelight.

As to the next movie you’ll create, the winning-all-awards one I mentionned, it will be one about a woman lost on a mountain who talks to jugs that fill her with contentment as each jug contains one mood of hers, one story.  Someone will steal the jugs – or will they disappear by themselves? – and the woman will find herself without the jugs around as she’ll become acquainted with the animal world around her and become the keeper of fire.  Just like your story about a serial killer tyre, see?

That’s it Quentin of the-never-never, I’m done.  I do have a question: where did you learn your English?  (Nope, I can’t see everything – not when I’m not on my medicine – although I suspect one of your parents was fluent).

Folks, as you’ve not misunderstood, I’m gonna miss you.  Medicine I must take.  Rosie’s order.  I’ll come back soon, just say the word because I doubt that fucking psychic Astro Cop over there will retain your attention long enough.

–           Feralbulb!

–           Yes, Sis.