– Howdy Folks!  O boy, o boy, am I so thrilled to see you again…  What an ordeal Rosie and I have been true.  But we’re out now, aren’t we, Rosie?  No more boring readings from that stupid cop who thinks one can become a psychic through police work experience.  A fucking moron, wasn’t he, Sis?

– Feralbulb!

– You promised, Rosie, not a word.  I’m allowed to say anything I please on my show from now on.  But we’re running late.  It’s a promise: next time we’ll tell you all about our conquering that short-of-a-screw-and-more Cop-Wat-Not and how we escaped our kitchen ordeal.  But for now:

Dear Jake, mate,

You’re a Sagittarius born on 19 December 1980.

Life choices are never easy to make and you’re learning and will learn that this happens at any age and more often than thought.  However, once you’ve cut through the heart of the matter and you decide one path or another, it all becomes clearer, and it doesn’t matter if the path is easier or more difficult.  What is important here is to decide and stick to one’s decision.  The funny thing is that when you choose and decide, life has the knack to bring more changes and surprises to your life that go along with what your decision was and seem to reinforce it.  You’re no fool; it’s just the way it is.  You know that if you’d chosen the other path, life would have come up with reinforcements as well.

This means that you can’t allow yourself to look back to your decisions and actions too often, just as difficult this may be because if you do, you find yourself caught in the web of emotional roller-coasters which you don’t need at this point of your life.  Don’t let others choose for you either: you alone must take those important decisions that affect your life one way or another.

What comes up here is this very smart woman who can cut through the most difficult decisions and who can rule like a man.  She is both: a strong woman at your side as well as the very strong, powerful feminine side of your psyche you like to use to feel and think.  This is the nice, lovely thing about you: you do not like to act like a ruler; you do not like to dominate.  You are team oriented and a leader at the same time.  You never tell how to, you show by doing.  You can rise above it all when you know what it is you want.  You have a generous soul, you treat others the way you’d like them to treat you: with infinite consideration and honesty and if I weren’t a man, I’d like to be the woman at your side.

Interestingly mate, you can’t go without the presence of women around you, nor can you go without a sense of constant celebration.  You are extremely sensitive and without love, sensitivity and care, you’re just like a leaf that dries up quickly, withers and dies.  Your most fearsome nightmare is that of not having people you love around you.

You wish to conquer the heart of the one you love.  You wish for true love, romantic, passionate and so, so, o so sensitive love.  You learned so much on the set of ‘Broke Back Mountain’ Mate… you apply it to life…  Even I could feel for you.

– You’re going too far Feralbulb.

– Shut up, Rosie! Else I lock you back where you belong.

You will fight for the woman of your dream, if you haven’t or aren’t doing it right now and you’ll be victorious.  You’re much bigger and truer than all your adversaries.

You seem to have learned a great deal from your mother or from a woman whom you couldn’t ask her out or fall in love with her (for she was either your mother or a teacher of some sort, a woman).  She taught you how to bring your emotions to the surface, how to analyse them and how to become a knowledgeable amateur psychologist who could easily be mistaken for a professional.  This is an incredible gift and insight you were given early on and which keeps occurring as you’re trying to use this gift as often as necessary and possible.

Now, what is happening is that your work comes almost ‘easily’ to you, as if you were born in your craft and could summon it at any time.  You’re a natural at creation.  You know this and you know what?  The trouble is that it makes others a little jealous at times because most of us common mortals have to work hard to get to possibly to a 20th of your talent.  C’mon Mate, pretend you’re working sometime, if not for yourself, for the sake of others.  See, you’re still quite young.  Other older actors have had to toil so hard for so long only to reach your talent by the time they’re 70 years old.

What you have going for you and that you should use even more, is your inherent modesty.  You shine yet you don’t want to shine for the purpose of it.  Look, mate, you’re an actor and a talented one at that, fame is your lot: if you don’t like the idea of fame, use your talent to cover your modesty… look at Georges Clooney, man.  Use it to your advantage, no one asked you to prance.  Just be yourself, learn a few lines and don’t be too camera shy or else you know very well the photographs take that as some sort of provocation and then you’re in for it…  Be spontaneous too.  Don’t try and go against the wind and if you must, just be spontaneous in appearance (you’ll know what to say and what to do by having stored a few good lines you can muster on those annoying occasions).  Just play the game Jakey, you’re in that game and we love you and respect you for it.

What you can also do, if you must, and only if you must… is to cover up.  Dress yourself incognito and do the things you want to do without being recognised.  Dress yourself as a woman, you’d love that mate!

– Feralbulb!

– This is my show, get out Rosie!

Now Jakey, man, don’t fear the public, there’s no need to.  There are many ways to cover up and go out there incognito and you for one should know.  Don’t torture yourself like that.  Be happy, Mate.  And if you still hesitate after all that I’ve told you, I’d say best to come and visit me and Rosie and we’ll happily give you a flue clues!

As to your next movie, the one whose script is on your night table at home, it’ll be about this intelligent guy who loses all his manners and ways when he’s confronted by Miss Universe or someone so beautiful and so powerful he’ll be unable to act normal (many men are like this in real life).  It’ll be very exaggerated, a comedy, and you’ll be very funny to watch.  Again, don’t hesitate to send us a couple of tickets to Rosie and me.

Hope this helped, mate.