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Rosie is with me today (don’t worry, she’s mildly sedated and she won’t interrupt, she’s sitting on a chair looking at the audience blankly and there won’t be any interruptions from her) to welcome the greatest magicians and psychic of all times, or at least, one of the best known of the contemporary world as Nostradamus, Merlin and Walt Disney are excluded.  Yes, this is you, Uri Geller The Great, born 20 December 1946, a forever travelling Sagittarian.

Bending spoons, reality and time are small features you have on offer and Rosie and I are gonna dig, dig, dig to find what no one knows about you yet, not even you, that you could use to your betterment and for enjoyment.  Yeah, we can do this even if you’ve already reached the summit of what can be achieved, because, as you know, there are no limits.

The First card drawn is the Hermit.  Sir, Mister, it seems that your powers of introspection are unending and that every day is used to search and seek on what else it is that you could explore and teach others.  You are more aware than most that emotions and love have got something to do with it but you’re hesitating: should you get hold of Tina Turner to ask her a little more about it?  Whatchya waiting for?  It is nothing short of fantastic and amazing to see how a man like you with such psychic gifts is so hard bent (forgive the pun) onto bringing understanding of psychic skills into the world of science – no matter what, no matter the sometimes shockingly violent criticism you have incurred – so as to bring this in the open, deal with it once and for all and allow everyone to incorporate it into everyone’s day to day life, even Rosie and me.  This means that the earth might be saved and goats may not die uselessly under the dark, brooding stare of the Clooneys of this world.  It may mean that the US army and other armies may begin to reconsider their options and begin to use psychic skills seriously and for the greater good.  Please, Mr. GellerDaGreat, tell me I won’t have to wait until the year 5245, even if this is naive.

The Empress is your second card, the one in the middle and she’s coming with the Fool on the outcome.  There is a feeling that while you’re looking at what else it is you could do once more, again, unendingly and for eternity to improve everything that you do in every field of your life including your relationships, the woman closest to you is looking in the opposite direction as travel is indicated.  She may need to travel and leave and you’re not aware of it.  How can this be?  Surely you know?  Well, it is a fact that ‘seeing’ for those closest to us and for oneself is usually most difficult and this is precisely what is happening here.  It seems that she has to protect her interests.  It is highly likely that there isn’t much you can do about this, positive thinking or no positive thinking.  However, it appears that there is a great meeting of minds – an emotional connection highlighted for you – an amazing one being made because of a few obstacles being thrown at you – which of course you’ll overcome, given who you are (no cynicism intended, but meaning it, for once).

Mr. Geller, at present, you may be feeling robbed of your ideas.  Everyone and anyone appear to be using your theories, practicalities for any reason and it robs you of your inner wisdom and strength.  Yes, I know, vibrations mirror what we live and go through and this applies to you at this point in time because you’re hell bent on examining everything, missing the small cues that could give you the much needed inkling on your situation to enable you to see the broader picture.  This is temporary, but you need jolting back into looking at things from the upright position (the cards, here, were reversed – these were the 7 swords and strength).

Guri-Uri-Man, it seems that your imagination is playing tricks on you as your legendary emotional and thought control is letting you down a little.  I mean a little only, but a little for a man of your stature is huge for the rest of us common mortals.  Fortunately, it seems that you’re using your mental skills to move out from that state of affairs and being and bring in the effect of the wheel of life to have things move quickly for you.  It may be that you’re trying to move on to overcome sorrow.  Yes, it’s good and you only know best how to deal with these things, but be sure not to ignore those loose ties you haven’t thought of looking after.  Don’t ignore the small bits, they’re part of a whole and you want to remain part of that whole and be yourself again.  I mean, you don’t want to let bits and pieces of bitterness gnaw at you here and there, when you least expect it and without you being aware of it, only later.

Fuckity-Fuckitydamnit, Man!  Ace of wands and King of wands?  What else do you want in your house of wishes and hopes, Sir GodDamnGoodGeller!  Energy is renewed and any new endeavours and enterprises are being brought to fruition and being successful.  You have new ideas and the forces of creation remain within you.  Don’t forget that your energy transmits not merely to metallic objects, but to people too and although I’m not saying that you can cure people from major diseases and death, I suggest that you can invigorate people with your enthusiasm and beliefs, not just with words of wisdom and common sense, but also by touching their hands as well as taking them with you on tours, walks, whatever.

Wow!  Yo!  Guri Eller, Mate! Currently, you’d be well advised, if you’re not already, to take walks for charity, huge walks, walk through the desert or the Antarctic with many followers and raise funds for charity.  It’s opening new doors for your business – I don’t like to call it business but that’s what it is too – and you will soon realise that there are many more people with similar gifts to yours who haven’t been able to bring these gifts into the real world because of lack of knowledge, understanding, fear and means and you could be a leader helping those people use their gifts to help in many, many ways.  Please, Sir Geller, keep investigating and demystifying the gifts we all have in order to stop the debates and make things move forward, the Yoda way, even if that means looking at more science fiction movies to explore all potential available to humanity.  Does that sound too gooey and mushy-mushy?  Well, fuck it, I mean it.

As far as your past is concerned, it appears that, even though you’ve enjoyed popularity and been able to teach and empower many, you haven’t at all times been surrounded by nurturing and joyful environments.  It’s like your gifts grew on barren land and against all odds.  It’s not that you haven’t been given what you need, but more that you’ve approached life from a fairly serious way without showing it.  You’ve looked at life from the perspective that it isn’t about the lightness of being and trivialities but more about fighting for what one believes in a seemingly light manner such as with entertaining TV shows, even though behind it all, there is true grit, solemnity and somehow some despair as you know your abilities to be real and wished the entire world could show more acceptance towards it.  So what?  Keep us believing, Uri and believe in yourself even more!  So what?: if there aren’t enough of us who believe that you can have a football roll towards its goal, the Jedi way, or that you can affect wars by metamorphosing nuclear bombs into beds of roses, the truth belongs to you and those who know you well, including spoons, metal and goats.  I believe in you.  I mean it, for the second time around.

Mr. Geller, Man, at present, you might do well in thinking that cold thinking (I mean pure thought and being cerebral) is not the way to go as using all that you can muster in terms of emotions, sensitivity and psychic skills is how you should approach life, for now.  Creativity is at one of its highest point ever for you and I sense that your exploring new fields and listening to your inner voice, or whatever it is you like to call it, spirit guides, angels, force within, etc., is what is required from you.  There’s a calling in your life.  Yeah, it’s always been here, we all know that, but it’s new and/or renewed at the moment and you should listen to it.  Like Moses in the Seven Commandments, your hair is about to turn entirely white and it seems that you’ll never want to use your brain again unless it’s gone through your heart by asking the right questions.  Mind bending stuff, huh? I know, besides, you’re used to it.

So now, Mr. Geller, what advice is it that you could take from us, Rosie and I?  Here: right now, listen to your past connections and rekindle with them as well as new ones (even old flames, yeah, I mean that too) as friends are here to help you.  Long lost friends whom you thought could do nothing for you and would never have anything to bring to you as you moved on with your life, will reappear and open a whole new horizon for you.  Let yourself being carried by the strange and amazing forces of the universe, the Deepak way, it will relax you and bring back smiles you’d forgotten about.  Of course you’re still smiling and being the happy man you can be, Uri, but I mean more smiles, simple as that.

Regarding your new projects, Uri-Man, it could be that you might consider meeting Allison Dubois to join your strengths to solve crimes and catch all the wrong doing of this world to make this planet perfect, or close to it.  I’d like that and so would Rosie.  Just imagine: Allison helping to catch all of these planet’s criminals, murderers and drug lords and you, catching the mongrel war creators and evil politicians – yeah, I know, a big ask – but consider this: the world wide web has many excellent psychics available these days, don’t ignore them: make a list, unite them, make them part of your team and become the Mandela-Mandala of Psychics: free the world of its own trappings and be this world leading psychic promoting hope and freedom & respect for all in choosing our religion.

As to other trials & tribulations, your business remains as it’s been for a while and there’s nothing wrong with that.  It takes a lifetime to empower, encourage and alter the life of most of us for the better, if only we’d believe in ourselves a little more.  You know what?  I like your way just the way it is.

Down this end, it’s business as usual so please, send us some tickets.

So long, Tall Man.