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– Thank you, Sis.  You know how I love your spaghettis and only you know how to add grated cheddar to it in the right proportion.  Hey, what’s the matter?  Rosie, no!

Rosie has fallen unconscious on the floor.

Sis, Sis, wake up.  I’m sorry.

She opens one eyelid.

– Look, I didn’t mean to put so much tranquiliser in your Red-Bull.  I just didn’t want you to go hyper and disrupt this show.  You’re so hell bent on… Look, Sis, sit here in my preferred chair.  You’ll be fine.  I’ll do a fun reading just for you.  Someone you like?  Love?  Who?  I can’t hear you.

– Nick.

– Nick who?

– The penguin, trousers, rabbit man.

– You’re not making any sense…  I… Oh I get it: the man you’d want to marry if you knew he’d not eventually pay you to just leave him?

– Ok, then, Good Day, Folks!

We have a special request from me Sis, Rosie, here present and half out of her mind: I’m gonna read for Nicholas Wulstan Park, better known as Nick Park, one of the greatest creator of fun on the planet, a god in its own right along the lines of Walt Disney, Matt Groening, Crisler Segar etc.  Nick is born on 6 December 1958 and is a Sagittarian with the wandering thoughts of a wonder mind.  He is also a poet with an inspiring philosophy on the relationship between man, dog, penguins and vegetable patches, amongst others.

I’ve started with drawing three cards for you, Nick, Mate:

With death in first position, it feels like many changes have occurred in your life in the past few years that hard work caught up with you: your health has suffered and you may have had to take a bit of time off to rest and breath.  However, this is no longer the time to wonder what to do any more ‘cause there’s plenty more that’s crept up in your wildly imaginative brain and you’re not short of a spark and sparkle, Mr. Park.  Even though you’re a bloke, you’re the mother of creation and creativity and all I can suggest to you – trust my experience in your field (that’s another story) – is to get teams of folks with the same zest in their brains, train them in your endeavours if that’s not already done or get those you’ve already trained to train others so that we, your public, may enjoy snapshots of Wallace & Gromit’s lives on a daily basis…  What do I mean?  Duh!  You know?  The five minutes cracker ad before the news would do well being replaced by a short episode of your creations.  Even better still: why not attempt to create informative news shows with Wallace & Gromit as presenters on the BBC, CNN or Al Jazeera channels?  That’d be smashing, don’t you think?  I believe this is already happening and if it be at the stage of being explored, then Rosie and I are encouraging you.  We’re all the way behind you.  Just imagine this: the ‘What’s Up Dog Daily News?’

Currently, you’re troubled because even though the inspiration is here, you don’t wish to forge ahead too fast in order to be able to think and ponder at your leisure how to handle your next creative endeavour.  That’s all very well, Mr. Spock, err, sorry, Spark, no.  Never mind, Nick, but you can’t be looking at what you’ve achieved and wonder how to be original and bring new ideas in your shows for too long.  Just do the damned deed or else, one of these days, someone’s gonna ask something that’s been said before like: ‘Gromit, we have a problem.’

Hey, Man, look, it’s ok.  We don’t all have time for love and relationships and that’s fair enough but that’s no reason to be mean.  What am I implying?  Err… It could be that you’re afraid anyone getting close to you may want too much and too quickly (just like Rosie for example), and you’re not willing to give up too much too quickly as your independence is what matters most to you:  o what you want when you want and keep your funds where your pockets are, whatever this means.  You work it out, and like one of your friends said once, ‘no use prevaricating about the bush’.

In your hopes, you’ve got success, the magic spell of the wear-rabbit v ex-NASA techno trousers for penguins and cereal killers alike reaching out for you and renewed with new desired inspiration which again leaves you with not much time at all for relationships, just as much as you may wish to bring some emphasis on the latter.

At present, I believe that you must stop looking at the past to build on your future and stop feeling sorry for yourself as far as relationships are concerned.  You are who you are, Nick, and we all go through the stage of wearing the wrong trousers at some point in our lives.  No use beating yourself up for it.

In your past, it seems that matters of the heart weren’t much talked about and this may well have lots to do with the present state of your relationships.

The great thing about you is that you know perfectly well that you don’t need to travel the world to find the imagination and resources you need to be and get creative.  You’ve been there, you’ve done that and, besides, it’s all in your head so stop mopping about and get on with it, pooch!

Lastly, me advice for you today is to get hold of your feminine side and get it to work harder and stronger for you.  It’s all very well to listen to what old school chap Wallace and his expressive dog may have to tell you, but you need to incorporate ladies a little more.  I think you have an ally in Mrs Elena Bonham Carter and her hubby that doesn’t pop, Tim-O’Burton, and I reckon you ought to talk to her to celebrate womanhood even more in some of your shows.

Whatever you’re soon gonna do, it’ll all come out in the open with brilliance and shiny purple stars all wrapped in pink cotton wool balls.  So, to conclude, and as I said in the beginning, a daily TV dose of ‘Dammit it’s da Gromit’ will go a long way in improving your life and especially ours, your public so get cracking and let us have fun.  It’s a promise, one day, there’ll be a new quote about you, and that’ll be ‘Are you out of your Wulstan mind?’  Too cheesy?  Well, let me vomit the Gromit, then.  Go figure.

Lastly, as we’re not too far away from each other in cheesy-cracker meters, do please give us a thought and let us witness one of your real life creative moment and send us a ticket.

And, since it’s Sunday, have a grand day out, Sir!