, , , , , , , ,

Good Day, Folks!

Would you believe it?  We’ve got another author with a year as a birth date, ‘1967’.  So it says on the WeakWordWeb.  Seems it’s the new fashion: it’s how old you are that matters, not what birth sign your genetic material may be attached to or cloned from, nor if you were born on the day God took a rest.  Thing is, it would help wouldn’t it?  Could someone out there in cyberspacedom fix this for us, PL-EASE?  Rest assured, Ma’am, that we’re all aware you were hatched and purchased out of a rural goose market and never came out of any mammal’s back end.  Yes, that’s you, Mrs Jennifer Lancaster.

Rosie is present with me here on this stage, she’s sitting nicely on a straw chair she’s bound to.  O’course she’s gagged (for convenience) and I shall set fire to her chair without any hesitation should she dare bat one single eyelash to signal any form of discontentment.  So folks, if this occurs while I’m doing the reading, please let me know and I shall perk things up and provide some sparks for all, no kidding (don’t try this at home – I can ‘cause I have a special permit).  Ms Lancassyssy, with your wit and so-called self-centred narcissism, you might have been born under the shadow of the Lion, combined with a speck of Cancer or Pisces sprinkled all over you.

Now, on to me sheep-who’s-no-sheep-at-all.  Here, Mrs Jen Lan-cashier, three cards drawn:

Empress + High Priestess + Star

Now this is one hell of an amazing combination Mrs Lancasta-baby.  Whatcha doing?  You talking with psychics to know your future-present-past? Ha-ha!  I see you, I know you, I can tell.  So you need advice?  Well, let me tell you, there’s gonna be more than just one psychic you’re gonna visit and not just for your pets.  There’s me, there might be Rosie (God willing, the poor sod might be gagged for years to come unless you’re willing to compromise with me [read: take Rosie on a trip with you, for a long, long time, right?] and there might be Rosie’s good and sometimes imaginary friends who’ll all want to talk to you and analyse your life and tell you where you’re headed if you don’t know it already or can’t give it a good guess.  ‘Cause that’s what we do here and you’re welcome to come here for a consultation.  You like fun?  So do we.  Here’s the main question circling your mind like a hawk on fire these days (just don’t overanalyse).

I knew it!  I knew it, fuckity-fuckitymuck-munch.  Yeah!  You wanna travel, you wanna spread your wings and let your pooches, lizards, cats and guinea pigs under the umbrella of a legal guardian for a while, by the fire.  Yeah, they’ll miss you but they’ll be fine.  Step ahead, Mrs Jenny-Lancabean and revisit the world with passion as well as the youthful spirit that inhabits you.  You have the means not to give a shit in the world, for now, so use those means and do as you please.  Lucky you!

Not sure what you’ve just been through but your imagination has been playing up on you lately and you feel as if your writing needs refreshed with new ideas and especially, a new approach.  There are things you don’t know and wish to discover in order to re-direct the purpose of what you write and how you write it.  You’ve been under the weather, under some sort of pressure and getting refreshed is the key.  Funny last week’s author should have been under similar influences.

You wish for a ‘no bad surprises’ life and to throw caution to the wind at the same time.  You wish to express yourself spontaneously, or more spontaneously than you feel you’re allowed to as authors’ constraints sometimes don’t allow you to speak your mind as freely as you wish.  Why not, Ma’am?  What is it you have to say to the world that you don’t dare saying?  I’m waiting, I’m always interested.  Wordy debate is my kingdom.  It can be yours too.  Let me know, will ya?

You’re taking time to rest and meditate ‘cause you feel others aren’t worth what they say they’re worth and may be robbing you of more of your energy than you’d like them to.  Perhaps they’re overly daring in their approach to annoy you and take advantage of you and if this is so, yeah, do take the time to recharge your batteries and confront those lunatics (there might just be one, two max. around you) who wish to harm you.  Once you’re better, please realise that they can’t do much against you, just ignore them and let them wallow and sink deeper into their own mud.

It seems that, in your past, the fear of ‘not having much or enough’ was strong in your family and that it had the tendency to dispirit you.  When things got better, the rug got pulled from underneath you and the material world in which you lived and believed got spirited away for you to discover hidden talents never really considered previously.

As to your need to travel and have fun, it is also clear that you don’t need to go away and give up everything for ever.  You can travel a month, two or three at a time, come back and do it again in a few months’ time.  You know how to organise yourself.  You don’t have to be away from those you love for too long if you don’t want to.  Besides, if others close to you dare criticise you for your need for freedom, just explain to them you don’t intend to leave forever (even if, at times, you feel like it… you do?  Ah.  As a ‘what if’ type-thingy.  I get it.)

Hey, Jen, let go of this idea that you can’t quite work out where you’re headed right now.  ‘Go with the flow’ like they say, even if easier said than done.  Be generous to others, it makes you feel good.  Go see that part of the world you fear to go and observe, you’ll be surprised.  It’ll do you good.

Your next story…. Aaaaah.  Boy O boy do I love to predict what someone’s next crafty-farty endeavour’s gonna be.  For you, Flash-Jen, it’s the funny story of someone – some female – who gives up everything ‘cause they’ve got enough thinking the way they do’ and who goes for a very different lifestyle, giving up career, crack and cocaine for the betterment of one’s soul and spirituality.  Some burned-out case who moves somewhere poor and derelict, only to suddenly win the lotto or get into some huge fortune unexpectedly and who gets back into their old ways faster than an eye blink to pursue a decadent life like no other could have done such as wearing a Prada bag in an unemployment office.  Some pretty cynical and sarcastic story.

Hope you enjoyed this reading, Ma’am.  Do send us your next book, would ya? (signed).  Thank you.