, , , , , , ,

Hi Folks !

Let’s get serious once again and deal with the real world of show business. Today’s reading is for Sir Shrek of the Muddy Swamp before Time. Remember him? His date of birth is being kept secret by some dragon in some dungeon but I, Feralbulb of the Feralpost, have all but worked it out. Shrek is born, I suspect, on 1 March 2001, a Pisces. Don’t ya think that it could be different ‘cause I know and you know that the world he evolves in never appears to strike him as odd and unreal, if not out of this world altogether. This young man, may not be so young as his kids must be teenagers by now, typifies the existence of actors being successful in their own right in spite of their living in a world all of their own, that of a fairy tale.

I’ve drawn three cards for you, Shrek- Mate:

Wheel of Fortune + Chariot + Judgement

There’s your answer, Shrek-Man: of course you’re still going to be playing in movies as a prince or as an ugly sort. And yes, that fucked talking-a-non-sense donkey with that particular if not peculiar laugh own will be there to make things fun. Can you show your kids how good you are at your craft as a more mature actor and with an ever worsening stinking breath?

O’course you can! Wake up Shrecko-Shrecka-Man! This is the Oba-Oma era and no-nothing can stop you. Stop hesitating and fooling around to test Fiona’s love and give her a hand at housework. Just because you’re an ogre doesn’t mean you have to behave like one. Besides, you’ve got a fair celebrity status to maintain.

You fear surprises and especially, you fear losing all that hard earned cash. Wait a minute. Who said hard earned? You played yourself mostly in all those cartoons and enchanted worlds of yours so don’t go blaming others for your being tight on the purse. I know, I know, your damned tight belt Scot’s heritage involves a forever dwindling purse just lookin’ at it along with a strong whisky intake, but just don’t ya bring the clichés on us would ya? Get real and be enlightened, we don’t ask for more.

You know what, Shrek-a-bulb? Let your missy speak for you and let her handle the finance, she knows what she’s doing. Let her be creative and inspired and stop being so stubborn.

Looking at your past, I see that you’ve always loved changing the colour, shape of your very nature and if you had been born a chameleon, you might have been good at it. Still your ability to be two faced – at times – has served you well in that dreamy world of yours.

Listen, Mate, you need to tackle a little more work and stop mopping around the house with an aimless look on your face, as green as it may be and blame others for your distress. Get back to work and get hold of your agent.

I sense that if you stopped thinking of what you could have and what could be done instead, you’d be back on our screens in no time. There are so many tales you haven’t explored and told us about and that doesn’t mean that you need to repeat the old formula. Be creative, God dammit!

I know, you want to revive the sparks in your couple and since the kids are grown up – or almost – you want to take her out and impress her with your generosity. Why don’t you? Take Fiona to the ball and hire a maid to keep up with the housework, may she be witch or fairy, it doesn’t matter as long as the work get done. Whatcha waiting for?

Your next movie will involve you travelling to some unchartered new territory. You will concentrate on impressing your missy and take on the lead role of the next Hulk-a-Beast Movie (this is excellent given you won’t need much make-up). Hey, Mate, remember to send us a ticket to your land sometime, can’t be that expensive and we’ll read more cards for you than you’ve ever asked for without begging you for an extra penny (merely asking for it).

Hope you enjoyed your reading.