2015

Hi Folks,

Well, yeah.  We did say around August and look at us now… Last day of the year and nothing at all to skulk about… The end of the year is the end of this blog, that’s what. For now, because I dare not look at the cards for an outcome over this.  Rosie and I have moved to Sydney, with the doggies and we’re all fine except Rosie was fired from her latest job on particles and I’m to do the full time work to look after her so the celebrities and various other odd entities’ readings have gone astray….  you can still find us working with http://www.juliegum.wordpress.com telling unending tales, whispering words of reverse wisdom and non-sensical inspiration to Julie.

It was fun to meet you all.  We’ll meet some other day, maybe, for sure, I dunno.

If you like to have your cards read by yours truly, be sure to follow us at http://www.phuture.me…. catch me if you can.

Meanwhile, have a GRAND NEW YEAR!

Feralbulb

PHARRELL WILLIAMS

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Good Day Folks!

What can I say?  The dogs are sleeping and Rosie too.  Let sleeping dogs lie.  It’s all good.  I’m free to banter and be morbid.  What else can I ask for?

On to this creature: Pharrell Williams, born on 5 April 1973, in the pre-Taurus era, that of the Aries, a bold and creative sound and song Master.

Three cards spread: Empress + Devil + Strength

Pharrell, all I’d like to say here is to believe in the strength of your current relationship.  There are times when you doubt it yet… it is more solid than you think it to be.  Money is of no consequence, only time.  Just remember: take the time for her, for your family and all will be well.

Look, you’ve just come out of a time when you felt nothing could work for you and that it was all too much to bear as your art commanded you to attend to it.  Let that train of thought go and recharge your batteries in positivity and belief, yeah I said belief.  It ain’t hard candy so swallow da pill, Mate.

Boy O box, don’t I know it?  Overwhelming? Overpowering? Overbearing?  That’s Rosie all over again.  But believe me, you don’t need to lock your better half up in the kitchen and put her head in the toaster to check on bread crumbs, nah, nope. She’s nowhere near to deserving that type of treatment.  Ya, you might have underestimated her power over you.  Just don’t dismiss it and go along with it.  There are more rewards than inconvenience.  C’mon, be fair.  Told you already: you don’t need the money and your art can take a rest here and there, right?

You won’t need to leave the security of your home, nor will she.  Fight for her, fight for your family.  It’ll all turn out right in the end; trust me, even if I sound weird to you.

I know, there was a time when your Lilac-Rose tinted, Louis Vuitton, spectacles made you look at your relationship with unrealistic expectations.  It was O so pure.  You were O so blessed.  Now, you feel manipulated and may be you are.  Only she wants you, she needs you to love her when she acts badly.  It’s a test.  How far will you go to show her your love?  Hey Dude, you’re a romantic.  Act like one.

May I point me finger to your letting go of the hard times, petty arguments and listen to her arguments?  See the world and think of it the way SHE sees it and thinks it should be.  I know, how come this reading isn’t talking about your art and entrepreneur streak?  Let me just say, the cards have something to say and on this occasion they highlight your relationship.  Nothing I can do about it.

Pharrell, don’t give in to light hearted silly stuff that you used to do when you were younger, when your relationship was still budding.  It’s no longer like this.  Be generous of spirit, show her that you can hear what she’s got to say and respect her ideas even if they appear slightly out of this world to you.  There’s a lot more to it than meets the eye and if you open the road for her and not show any reticence, she’ll make good of it and do really well in her own right.

Me last bit of advice: don’t be a scrooge; work at your relationship.  It’ll pay off in many more ways than one in the long run.  Consider this: you’re fortunate to be able to do what you do and do it well.  You’re even more fortunate to have a strong partner with whom you can share the rest of your life without any trouble and merely for happiness’ sake.  It was said that you said “I am overly ambitious, because I realize it can be done.”  Prove it.

Finally, your next songs and/or enterprise (or both) will take place where you are without your having to move or travel anywhere and if you focus on it, your business and all that you do can be done from the chore area where your family is based.  That way, you’ll be able spread your wings managing everything from where you are located and not the other way around.  Your next song will have to do with being a King and what it means to be one.

I hope you enjoyed this reading.

Feralbulb

MEGAN AMRAM

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Howdy Folks!

How’s your week been?

Rosie & I are barely one month off from leaving cuckoo clocks land, its overly perfect towns, landscapes and overflowing bank a go-go: the stage is beginning to look like a stiff truck loaded with boxes.  Stiff truck?  Sorry, no time to explain, ‘cause today we’re looking after word twister, chirpy tweeter Master of all times and beyond: Megan Amram, a self-confessed Virgo born on 3 September 1987, a scientist in her spare time who set out to prove that a good name for a dick is that of a non-dairy creamer.

Three cards drawn for you, Ma’am Amramram:

Lovers – Hanged Man – Magician

Hey Megan, with these three cards pulled you may want to think again and get yourself out of a sticky situation which you didn’t mean to bring about but which presented itself to you through the words ‘fate’ and ‘there’s nothing you could have done to avoid it’.  It’s been on your mind for a while now and all I can recommend is that you pick up whatever it is you threw on the floor, leave and close the bloody door quietly behind you.  Just remember your own motto and live by it: ‘Who needs a boyfriend when you have two fists?’

I think you wanna reconsider, ponder over the power you hold in your hands: that of twitting and letting your imagination go free at all levels.  Keep going, be who you’re meant to be and keep hating your fans ‘cause they hate you back in the same way and just as much.  I love you too.

You hate it when your energies level deplete for reasons you can’t fathom, given that you eat healthy Tacos.  It stops you from making plans and thinking creatively.  Well, Ma’am, don’t let other people or things stop you in your track with their jealousy.  It’s more subtle than that, Megan, just stick to your beliefs.

  1. There are times when you wish you could see clearly and I sense a strong wish for accomplishment over the long term.  It seems you may want to become independent and be the creator of your own shows.  Well, anything’s possible Megramification, anything, especially considering you’re well acquainted with the head writer of the Weather channel.  So go for it!

Your past shows hard times and longing to get out of your egg (whatever shape this egg may have taken).  Perhaps you were at the mercy of some overbearing man or circumstances that drove you nuts to the point of needing to laugh about it and make sense.

Now is a time in your life to get grounded and get to act in a bold, cutting and smart manner to undo what others are trying to load onto your shoulders.  Get a lawyer if necessary, just don’t go anywhere on that road in a blind way.  Trust your instincts too.

Also, do get your twits together and walk the line without stepping out of wherever you don’t wanna step out from.  Life’s your oyster, walk the walk and twit the twit.  Got it?

I suggest you let the words flow out of your brain, mouth and wherever else words may come out of, without much of a forethought and ignore any feelings about what you say.  People who take you seriously would do well in getting their lives sorted: be free and say what you think.

As to your next project, I feel it’ll have much to do with talking about couples and life within relationships and how one is better off doing things for themselves than get stuck in dead end, toxic relationships.  Sounds serious but no doubt you’ll make it as irrelevant, irreverent and hilarious as needs be.  Send us a previous of your next show, will ya?  O’course we’d ever be so grateful.  Zank you, zank you and zank you A-Gain.

Hope you enjoyed your reading, Ma’am.

Feralbulb

DANNY BHOY

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Howdy Folks!

Time for a laugh and no time to waste or I’m gonna be late for my XXXX (get real, nothing to do with sex, this reads as 4 X – [no I wasn’t married four times either, shake what’s left of your brain, will ya?]).

Today. Today.  Today.  What was I going to say?  Ah.  Yep. Danny.  Danny Bhoy, funny wonder boy born on 17 January 1974 which makes him the funniest Scottish Capricorn there is and, most probably, his rising sky must have something to do with a-Quarians and/or Hindustani Aries.

Three cards for you, Mate:

High Priestess + Chariot + Justice

Interesting cards to get, Danny Boy O Boy.  Shut Up!  Very feminine.  I think you’re one of these chap who draw their intuition from their utmost hyper-feminine side and this is why you’re very successful.  They say (I mean da gossipers, ya know?) that you sometimes dress as a woman (each time a different one) before you begin your show to get the inspiration and stupidity to come to the surface.  It’s ok.  We all have our daily rituals after all.  Thing is, if the lady in your house isn’t the same as the one in da other house on da other side of the country, you could be in trouble.  Nah, I don’t mean it, it’s just that there are so many women around you I tend to get envious.  Just a tad.  Anyways, all these women bring you luck as they somehow bring more work/contracts to you.  I think you should be a psychic, I know it’s another ball game, but call me if you think you’d fit in.

I think you’re enjoying some time off at the moment, some well-deserved rest and that you may be spending time with your better half to get your creative juices squeezed on another level.

Time is of the essence, quality time with your loved ones.  Fair enough Danny Man, just don’t make things boring for us, will ya?

Hey, I heard you planned on singing and trying yourself at Britain’s got talent or something.  I don’t recommend it ‘cause you can sing your way out of a funny paragraph but singing…  You’re no Susan Boyle, merely boisterous Bhoy-Boy.

On your past, influences appear to having been tough and stark but that justice prevailed and, if you’ve ever had to fight for your rights, it is over now.

Now is the time to act in a surprising way, showing that you can sit still and not hyper-ventilate and/or gesticulate.  Save your breath, meditate and look after your best bunny.  What?  I never said bunny!

What you can do for yourself is to seek solace in heartbreak and learn from it.  Not sure what I mean but who cares.  Anyone reading this?  Contemplate and meditate.  I repeat: meditate and contemplate.  Sit still.  Levitate.

I also suggest to seek the help of the angel hanging upside down on your subconscious and work on miracles ‘cause the solution won’t be found in leaving and/or moving.

Your next show, the one you haven’t created yet, will be a breath of fresh air and you’ll feel renewed.  You’ll land back on your feet and the oyster of your creation will be brought home in the Scottish highlands or somewhere atop Ben Navel, sorry, Nevis.  I sense that you’ll create a new show entitled “Comedy Gladiator”, which will have your audience die laughing else the comedian gets confronted to improvisation or the death of his show and reputation, somehow.”

Hope you enjoyed this reading.

Feralbulb

PS: Pssst!  Tickets PLEASE?

ANNA KENDRICK

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Good Day Folks!

It’s only been a week but it feels like I’ve abandoned you for years. You all good? No dramas? None here either… although… I must confide in: Rosie comes out of her kitchen in two and a half weeks. She promised she’ll have the spaghetti supplies polished up and that she will have cleaned her way out of the damned kitchen. I promised her the key in exchange for squeaky clean cleanliness. Some deal, huh?

We’ll come back on this but today, I’m drawing cards for multi-talented baby faced Anna Kendrick – sorry Anna – you do look ever so young… Granted, I’m an old fart.

Three cards for you Missa Beautiful, born on 9 August, 1985 – told you you were young – a flamboyant egotistical ego. Sorry, lego. I’ll get there: Leo. Granted: you have no mane: let’s take away the egotistical bit. Three cards (repeat after me):

Strength – Tower – High Priestess

Anna, Bella, Jessica. Err. Take two: Anna, you’re working too hard for disappointing results – at least disappointing in your minds’ eye, if not in that of others’. It’s time for a change, time for a breakthrough and you’re on the precipice of total annihilation. What? Coffee with Rum. That’s what. Stop. Start. Again. It’s time for a change, time for a breakthrough and you’re on the precipice of something rather new – you won’t fall and if you do, it’ll be for your greater good ‘cause you’ll fall back on your feet and, besides, you’re only small. There’s good cash coming and if you bring balance to those various parts of your life that need it right now, you’ll also be all the wiser. Trust your mum or that incredible good friend close to you: she has the one key answer to your many questions. Also, don’t give in to emotional blackmail on any one’s part.

Anna, at the heart of your current predicaments: one man. One thicko-thick minded man. A stubborn son-of-a-bum who keeps pulling your strings and you’ve had it with him. Thing is, Ma’am, he isn’t very inspired and at the moment, his emotions are simply overwhelming him and he lacks self-control. Deal with him the best you can (it’s not that difficult): remain cool at all times and ignore his outbursts, he’ll stop the childishness soon enough and you’ll have won your battle.

You fear a relationship and some underlying passion underneath it all and since you don’t really know how to handle it, best way is to act cool and detached. Maybe. Dunno. I’m no specialist. Just telling you what I see. When Rosie gets out of her kitchen, you’ll have the opportunity to ask her all the advice you may wish for: she’s got plenty of it and more for ya.

Clearly, at the moment, Anna-Banana, you wish for clarity of brain cells and to be able to ponder over what you’ve achieved and what it is you want to do with all that you have acquired (in knowledge and cash).

In your past, I see the love of staying put and enjoying family gatherings. You may be considering having a family soon too and you may be longing for many a kiddie to be around you.

Right now, I feel that you need to stop trying to be fair and think of yourself a lot more. Tell people what you think even if it’s not always nice ‘cause you need to redefine your boundaries a little and, as we’ve seen in the cups video clip – great song Ma’am, great song – you’ll be growing cups out of your ears and leaving all behind if you carry on like this. Be more adventurous too, it would do you some good.

Look at it this way: your heart is filled with all that it needs and you know that you don’t need to go far to find satisfaction and enjoyment for yourself so stop hesitating and the procrastinating of even the best laid plans… just do what you feel you wanna do, Anna!

And if what I just said isn’t enough, then take a rest and meditate. You know the technique so use it. Right, Anna?

As to your next fantastic and horror movie, it’ll be about those humans with long fangs having regressed to being bats hiding in caverns and getting confused with the likes of Spiderman, batman and their brood hanging upside down in da dark too. It’ll be a major break for you, relationship wise: which lover looks best without his mask/fangs down? It’ll be fun even if you get typecast once more into the fragile and sensitive heroin whose heart hangs between one and another and another and… The public will love it, me first. Send us a couple of tickets, will ya now, Ma’am? PLLLLEASE?

Hope you enjoyed this reading.

Feralbulb

SHREK

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Hi Folks !

Let’s get serious once again and deal with the real world of show business. Today’s reading is for Sir Shrek of the Muddy Swamp before Time. Remember him? His date of birth is being kept secret by some dragon in some dungeon but I, Feralbulb of the Feralpost, have all but worked it out. Shrek is born, I suspect, on 1 March 2001, a Pisces. Don’t ya think that it could be different ‘cause I know and you know that the world he evolves in never appears to strike him as odd and unreal, if not out of this world altogether. This young man, may not be so young as his kids must be teenagers by now, typifies the existence of actors being successful in their own right in spite of their living in a world all of their own, that of a fairy tale.

I’ve drawn three cards for you, Shrek- Mate:

Wheel of Fortune + Chariot + Judgement

There’s your answer, Shrek-Man: of course you’re still going to be playing in movies as a prince or as an ugly sort. And yes, that fucked talking-a-non-sense donkey with that particular if not peculiar laugh own will be there to make things fun. Can you show your kids how good you are at your craft as a more mature actor and with an ever worsening stinking breath?

O’course you can! Wake up Shrecko-Shrecka-Man! This is the Oba-Oma era and no-nothing can stop you. Stop hesitating and fooling around to test Fiona’s love and give her a hand at housework. Just because you’re an ogre doesn’t mean you have to behave like one. Besides, you’ve got a fair celebrity status to maintain.

You fear surprises and especially, you fear losing all that hard earned cash. Wait a minute. Who said hard earned? You played yourself mostly in all those cartoons and enchanted worlds of yours so don’t go blaming others for your being tight on the purse. I know, I know, your damned tight belt Scot’s heritage involves a forever dwindling purse just lookin’ at it along with a strong whisky intake, but just don’t ya bring the clichés on us would ya? Get real and be enlightened, we don’t ask for more.

You know what, Shrek-a-bulb? Let your missy speak for you and let her handle the finance, she knows what she’s doing. Let her be creative and inspired and stop being so stubborn.

Looking at your past, I see that you’ve always loved changing the colour, shape of your very nature and if you had been born a chameleon, you might have been good at it. Still your ability to be two faced – at times – has served you well in that dreamy world of yours.

Listen, Mate, you need to tackle a little more work and stop mopping around the house with an aimless look on your face, as green as it may be and blame others for your distress. Get back to work and get hold of your agent.

I sense that if you stopped thinking of what you could have and what could be done instead, you’d be back on our screens in no time. There are so many tales you haven’t explored and told us about and that doesn’t mean that you need to repeat the old formula. Be creative, God dammit!

I know, you want to revive the sparks in your couple and since the kids are grown up – or almost – you want to take her out and impress her with your generosity. Why don’t you? Take Fiona to the ball and hire a maid to keep up with the housework, may she be witch or fairy, it doesn’t matter as long as the work get done. Whatcha waiting for?

Your next movie will involve you travelling to some unchartered new territory. You will concentrate on impressing your missy and take on the lead role of the next Hulk-a-Beast Movie (this is excellent given you won’t need much make-up). Hey, Mate, remember to send us a ticket to your land sometime, can’t be that expensive and we’ll read more cards for you than you’ve ever asked for without begging you for an extra penny (merely asking for it).

Hope you enjoyed your reading.

Feralbulb

FRANCES MCDORMAND

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Howdy Folks!

Time is going fast and faster. It’s Rosie’s fault. She’s meddling into particles the heavy way because I’m not paying attention to her. I believe she transformed the toaster into a time travelling device. Who does she think she is, Doctor Who? Ha! Ha! Forget the pun and move on, will ya? The fact is that we’ve got to pay our taxes before we leave this mesmerising and enchanting but ultimately toxic place and the bloody accountant isn’t quite tuned to time travelling particles: he’s a master crafter of figures and slow-paced cuckoo-clock timing. Nothing I can do about it unless you have any ideas?

Righteo, today, we’re dealing with a famous housewife, she’s not pregnant yet has been sharing her bed with her movie director hubby, Joel Cohen for a while. You’ve guessed who she is by now, so there’s no need to mention her name ‘cause she’s sooooooo famous, there’s no need to. Well then, since you insist, she’s the one who played an Oscar in Fargo. Da lady is born on 23 June 1957 which makes her the second actress in a couple of week to be influenced by moon vibrations. No, this isn’t what you think: the Moon has nothing to do with vibrators, pass your way, will ya?

Three cards for you, Frances, my belle:

Chariot – Fool – Justice

Firstly, it looks like you’ve just incurred a great success, one that satisfied your wandering spirit as well as replenished your bank account. But, now that this has happened, your mind is hesitating and there is no doubt that you may travel soon to take some well-deserved rest as well as seek a solution to what is troubling you. You need to stop work for a while and I might say that your current and/or future break is similar to that of a sabbatical break. At first sight, it may well be that you will need to seek advice legal and/or counselling to help you decide what must be done.

Part of your present predicament stems from the fact that you no longer wish to compete for the sake of it or to take on opportunities that imply that you may owe something in return to those – not your hubby – who offer you those opportunities. You’re a well-established actress in your own right and there’s no point in being over-altruistic to the point of giving away all that you have acquired in knowledge and experience just to be part of some script which you only half-heartedly believe in.

That’s me point Darling: why should you bother working with moodsome and egotistical – I might have meant moody – women when you’ve been there, you’ve done that and your experience tells you that there’s more to life than theatre within a theatrical set/movie set. I can see your point, I think. Young lunatics (I know you wouldn’t label them that but this is I talking, Ma’am) who disempower and dispirit you with their prima donna attitude. Yeah you know all too well how to deal with them. Problem is it’ll never stop as it gets to you at times and that therefore, you need a break Mrs McDormand.

I feel you’ve had enough of fools of all types, especially actors who act as if they were real actors on stage. Makes sense to you, right?

Your past shows a slightly unlucky streak (your life hasn’t always been easy from a material point of view) mixed with the fortunate state of your heart never having to break over a relationship even if you haven’t escaped some of life’s knocks here and there. You’re a balanced individual, more so than a lot of your peers in the same business and this is your Ace card.

At present, I feel that you may wish not to bring any surprises to those who are around you most days and it would be good for you to clearly communicate with your loved ones and to ensure your finances are well organised and secure (not that you don’t, Frances, just the cards insisting). All I imply here is for you to just make sure where the money goes and to keep a tight check over it, that’s all.

Here, listen to know-it-almost-all-Feralbulb, Ma’am: go by instinct, select what you fear most out of those two solutions that go round and round in your head and this is where your victory lies. Do that for which you have less knowledge and follow what your intuition tells you and you’ll find yourself some place you didn’t think you’d be able to get to.

So be it: travel the world for a while and, upon your return home, you’ll be able to see more clearly and some celebrations will be in place. It seems easy but it’s not that easy if you re-read what was said at the beginning of this reading. You may need a little help, a little push from some external influence. You’re privileged that the outcome foretells of good fortune and much fun to be had.

As to your next movie, let us not miss out on it and send us tickets to the première as I already know – forget about spoilers – that you may be playing someone sick on a hospital bed who meets the love of her life. It may well be that you’ll play a nun who meets her ‘prince’ but who won’t renounce her vows and so although she’ll die of a mysterious disease we’ll all guess to be close to sorrow and guilt (we’re dealing with the catbud religion here, one that has to do with Catholicism-and-Buddhism-in-One religious fervour). The dying nun will perform miracles on her love via various hallucinatory states brought on by possible drugs as well as visions of all kinds, [psychotic, schizophrenic, religion induced, etc.]), who’ll live on to tell the tale and who’ll become the next, true miracle-performing pope. Something of the kind. Planet earth will be saved, to be sure, to be sure.

Hope you enjoyed this reading Frances MacDo.

Feralbulb

WILLEM DAFOE

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Howdy Folks!

Today, it is with immense pleasure that I shall read for the honourable J.G. Jopling, also known as Sergent Elias, Max Schreck, He, L and so many others.  He is the incredible acting hulk-of-them-all: Sir Willem J. Dafoe, born 22 July 1955, an imaginative Cancer and creative moon influenced man.  You know, if I were a woman, I’d act just like Sis Rosie does at times: I’d wake up and watch CDs of your movies all day long to watch you play so I could escape reality, ‘cause that’s what you do best, you representative of the yellow flower power, Dafoe-dil-Man, send us dreaming of other worlds and interesting creatures, sometimes called people.

So, Doffey, here are three cards for you:

Strength – High Priestess – Star:

Man!  That’s a first: three cards all represented by feminine characters.  So here it goes, Willem-lem: there is a very strong and outstanding feminine side to you (duh).  The fact is that it seems you’ve always been surrounded by numerous women (through life circumstances) and that this may have been an important and hidden influence on you.  Currently, it may be that several women around you are having arguments and that no one better than you know how best to bring them to a peaceful resolution.

Also, what is underlined, highlighted and brought to light is how your career couldn’t have been anything else than it is and that your creativity and inspiration know absolutely no bound.  You’re a theatre and movie actor and nothing can ever alter that except death, once that time comes.

You may be wondering if, presently, you may be able to move on and work on projects only you wish to attend to – possibly you’re waiting for some opportunity, some gap in your busy schedule to re-formulate your expectations.  There is a feeling of you wishing to do more independent work and be more entrepreneurial than you have been until now.  Also, you may have enough of having to competing at some level as you’ve made your proofs a long time ago.

In your fears, Will-O-Willem, it is indicated – surprise, surprise – that you fear what your unconventional thought and ways may at time bring into your life and how you worry that this may bring some form of discredit over you.  Why, Willem, why?  You’re clearly established and I don’t think you should let any form of doubt creep insidiously within even if this is ‘the thing done’ because there is ‘doubt and doubt’ and that the two aren’t the same except in the way it is spelled, you know what I mean.

To follow up on doubts, Mr. Da-Foe, let me reassure you that what was can be had again and that even if you feel homesick in some way, there is always the option to revisit those people and places you miss.  Don’t you forget that where you are right now, there are people you love you and don’t want to see you look at your past too often.  Don’t give in to ruminating at times and all will be well.

There were times in your past when basic bad luck, lack of foresight and planning brought weird events into your life but this never really affected you as you’ve always been passionate about what you do and there has never been any question in your mind if what you do is the right path for you or not.

At this point in your life, it seems you may need to consider travelling and if you’re doing so, then travel even more.  Don’t question whether or not this is a good thing, just do it and bring your loved ones with you if necessary.  You’ve always had to travel places for filming and this isn’t going to stop, just embrace it and don’t think twice about it unless your independent streak nudges at you.

What is here for you to grab as some sort of support (when life get very hectic) is your relationship.  Nurture it, enjoy it and seek the delights that it has always promised.  Live in the moment with it as you can’t always be together and let the richness of it all soak, brew and macerate your soul in schmaltzy happiness, no need to spice it all up ‘cause it’s fine as it is.  See?  I’ve got the best recipes for you and it’s much better than watching Dinner Date.

William-Def, Man, me advice to you is to look at the broader picture and what you want for yourself.  Don’t wait for time to be born out of nowhere: make the time if necessary and don’t ignore those bigger plans you have for yourself, fight for them and fight a little for more time to be had to dream of those independent endeavours you have in mind.  It’s not that difficult.

As to your next play, ‘cause I feel you’ll have a play come out between all those movies you’re preparing, it’ll be about a character alone in a room who can’t get out of that room and how he won’t be able to find any solutions to his problems.  A parallel will be drawn between the room he’s stuck in and the mental aspects he’s dealing with, nothing new, but you might be one of the writers behind it and you’ll be bringing this man onto stage, all alone.  It’ll be a long monologue but it’ll feel as if several people are in the room.  Only you can pull that one up, no Ralph Fiennes, no Morgan Freeman, no others.  In-ter-STING!  Send us a ticket please, be generous, as I’m gonna go watch you as J. G. Jopling for a second time later today, ‘cause you’re worth it.

Hope you enjoyed this reading.

Feralbulb

SLOANE CROSLEY

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Howdy Folks!

Today, once more, we’re going to peacefully read cards for Sloane Crosley, a Leo b-b-b-born on 3rd August 1978.  I say p-p-p-peacefully ‘cause Rosie’s got visitors in the kitchen so if you’re not into peace making and that you’d rather have some bottles smashed on my floor, then go read another blog or smash your own bottles at your place.

Now, Ms Sloane of the Wish-I-Could-Have-that-Cake-Star.  It’s come to my attention that there’s nothing more you enjoy than a having friends defecate on your bathroom floor and to discuss the philosophical implications resulting from it.  Not only this, you’d be willing to test a potential lover’s liveliness by poking him in the eye with something sharp (I hear the word ‘stab in the eyeballs’ were the words you used but I didn’t want to frighten the readers here as we both know that men’s eyeballs are mostly found between their legs – hence the expression ‘keep your eye on the ball’ in any ball sports, right?)

Three cards for ya, missa:

Hanged Man – Justice – Moon

Cough.  Cough again.  Clearing throat.  Right.  Miss Crosley, Ma’am.  You’re putting up a brave face because your life hasn’t been that funny and you’ve recently experienced a ‘freeze’ period where it didn’t matter what you did or didn’t do, nothing seemed to go your way.  You’ve kept going and from a writing perspective, all is going well and you’re going strong here.  But the people around you, they’ve been giving you a hard time – undeservedly so and very much one-sided – that’s ok, you’re dealing with it in your own way and this may be through a team of lawyers defending your rights and setting things clear and definite.  This stems from one person doing a U-turn on you and being an idiot, one whose eyeballs have shifted in some darker place, some dark hole behind them.  Don’t worry, this brings on a new relationship with someone better suited to you, like cream on that cake you haven’t had yet.

Here you are Sloane, your heart turned upside down and wondering where you should go crawling in hiding.  You silly woman!  I say this because you know that you know better and I know that you know that you know better and therefore take that plane, that car, that spaceship, whatever and seek the fun you deserve.  The moodiness crept up because of what you went through.  It’ll all go back to normal once you realise you should look after yourself and that someone nice is just around the corner.

You fear your imagination and your thoughts dragging you down.  Yet, you’re wise, knowledgeable and very intuitive.  Trust yourself, let the bad dreams go by you and don’t let the fears get the better of you; besides, creamy cakes are good for you and you know this.  May I remind you what you once said through the voice of another: “I prefer to record all traumas and save them for later, playing them over and over so they can haunt me for a disproportionate number of weeks to come. It’s very healthy.”  Don’t live by it, detach yourselves from your characters at times, it can only give you some perspective.  Who said you live through your characters?  No idea, dunno, stop looking at me.

Fine, you’re going through hard times and that failed relationship squashed your hopes and dreams like there might not be enough cake & cream around for you to compensate.  Hey, Ms Sloane, don’t wallow in it, the bleedin’ bleeding has stopped and you can function.  Move on.  Plant a few useful words in your head and live by them for a few seconds, days or weeks.  Besides, you’re not single since after all you have yourself, haven’t you?  Live by your smart, wise sarcasms and it’ll sort itself out.

Your past shows great and close to unmanageable creativity ‘cause it came out of you bursting in bulk: not only your relatives and friends found it difficult to live with but you found it complicated and hard to explain.  You’ve also had to face some harsh realities as there may have been times when you were widely misunderstood and people around you unwilling to help and/or listen to you.

Currently and strangely enough, you are urged not to take any hasty decisions and to focus on your work like there’s no tomorrow.  I feel you may have a deadline coming up and you need to put your head down and ignore all that is happening around you even if I suggested travelling earlier.

Chaos is a great source of inspiration for you: use it.  When your life seems to be unravelling (even though it is not, I assure you), use its bumps and unexpected knocks to let your imagination run free, wild and uncomplicated.  Even dreams and nightmares come into play: if they wake you up, get up and write about them ‘cause that’s part of who you are and it’ll calm your nerves for the time being.  You’ll make cash and draw attention from these simple facts too.

Me advice to you, Darling, is to focus on what you’ve already achieved and consider what else it is you wanna do.  You’ve done well even if your present appears to be telling you otherwise.  It’s just an unwelcome patch, we all have them, don’t give it more attention than it deserves, keep spirited and the good work going.  Don’t make any changes to your life right now, just live in the moment and let life nudge you to the forged road ahead of you (free will?  What free will?)

Your next book will be talking about the variety of men you may have met in your life or, if it isn’t about you, about a female character describing her various encounters with men who commit and suck at it and who can’t ever reach the nice tattoo status.  No romance, only a wish for it and the realisation that being in a relationship with herself is probably the best outcome.  Well, call me.  We can always discuss your perceptions once you’ve sent me and Rosie the book.

Hope you enjoyed the reading.

Feralbulb